Wedding Etiquette 101 - Be Gracious Hosts

Be a Gracious Host...

Being a gracious host is very important. You've been to at least one wedding where something about it just didn’t sit right with you. Maybe dinner was delayed an hour while the bride and groom were taking pictures, or maybe after ordering a drink you received a bill. Not so nice, was it? But now, it’s time for you to be the hosts. Try to send your guests home happy.

Don’t be Selfish with your Wedding Date…

Holding an “Off-Day” (Friday, Sunday or any weekday) affair can save you money but this can be a problem for your out of town guests. Many will have to take a day off from work in order to attend your wedding; your immediate family and your wedding party may have to take even more time off to be at your rehearsal dinner. If you are looking for a compromise to hold your wedding on a Friday or Sunday (if it must be done) is try to hold the affair on a holiday weekend. This can still cause a little woe with your guests since airfare is usually higher on these weekends. If you are holding a Sunday affair try to have the ceremony start early afternoon or late morning. This will give guests time to enjoy your party and still get home before work the next day.

Timing is Everything...

Sometimes you and your new spouse want to make time to take pictures in between the ceremony and the reception but think of your out-of-towners: a morning ceremony, followed by an evening reception. It honestly is unfair of your guests to have so much time to kill between events. You should try to leave no more than a two-hour window between the ceremony and reception. And if you have those 2 hours or more in between you should try to plan something for those guests in between. If your budget allows, try booking a few suites or rooms at a local hotel where guests can freshen up and rest for the party. Sometimes the reception/catering hall may be willing to hold a pre-cocktail hour. Guests can be offered some light food, cookies, cheese and crackers, along with, soda, water, coffee and tea. Maybe even a family member will host a cocktail party in his or her home.

Food is Important...

You should assume that some of your guests may be a vegetarian or keep kosher. Be sure to review your guest list to see who this might apply to. Caterers will usually provide meals to accommodate these guests for little or no extra charge. Try to make your catering manager and your guests aware of these options.
Don’t Forget: You and your fiancé may have eclectic taste in foods, always choosing the most interesting dish on the menu but remember that your guests may not feel the same way about food. If you decide to serve unusual dishes, be sure to provide a traditional selection or two for you less adventurous guests.

Plan B...

All your life, or at least as long as you have known the meaning of wedding you may have dreamed of holding it outside, but what will happen if it rains or the temperature suddenly drops? Unless you've planned carefully, both you and your guests will suffer. If any part of your event is to take place outdoors and the forecast looks bleak, make sure you have access to an indoor space that's comfortable and large enough for your guests. Also keep in mind if you decide to hold your outdoor affair in a “far away” place, your “Plan B” should be at least as good as “Plan A”.

I once attended a wedding in Montauk. Both the bride and groom, along with most of their family and friends, lived in Western Nassau, so when the “beautifully planned” beached wedding got rained out, let’s say it wasn’t worth the drive for everyone. Now, the day would have been filled with a calypso band, lobster bake and ended with a huge barn fire on the beach, but the rain sure put a “damper” on things.

If your venue doesn’t offer an indoor space nice enough or big enough try tent rentals. Most rental companies these days will not only supply you a tent, but also, heaters or air conditioners to keep your guests comfortable.

Seat Singles Where You Would Want to Sit...

It's a tricky: do you seat all your single guests together or sprinkle them throughout the room? One of the hardest parts of planning a party, wedding or not, is how to sit the quests. When you have decided to have seating you must keep certain things in mind. Try to put yourself in their position, and consider where they would choose to sit. If your singles know and like each other then seating them together is fine. Even if they do not know each other - typically singles have more fun sitting with singles. If for some reason you feel or know their personalities do not mesh, mix the singles among couples who you believe they will get along with. But don't stick one single person at a table full of couples. Make sure they have at least one other solo person or at least a close friend to talk to.

Guests of All Ages...

We know you love your grandparents, so take a few minutes and think through what your wedding will be like for them. Are the walks from the parking lot to the church and reception venues long ones? (You might want to arrange for, and direct them to, reserved parking places, marked with signs or orange cones, at both locations.) Will they have to stand for long periods of time? (Arrange to have tables and chairs set up at your cocktail hour, and ask a friend or family member to make sure they've found seats.)

Also, don't seat elderly guests next to the band or its speakers. And before booking a prospective ceremony or reception venue with lots of stairs, find out whether there's an elevator your guests can use to avoid the climb (this is particularly important if any of your guests, elderly or not, use a wheelchair to get around).

Send Thank-You Notes Promptly...

Guests may have one year to give you a present, but you should never take more than two to three weeks to acknowledge one. To make the process easier and faster, consider pre-addressing and stamping the envelopes before your big day. Then, you and your husband can write a bunch of notes on the plane to and from your honeymoon destination (you may even be able to mail them at the airport). In each one, be sure to mention the gift specifically, as well as how you might use it. And don't think it has to be long—three sentences will do the trick.

Your Guest’s Budget...

Registering for gifts is fun and ensures that you'll get the things you need and want for your new life. Just be sure that, in addition to selecting your favorite pieces, you choose items in a range of prices—everything from spatulas, hand towels and cookbooks to crystal stemware, electronics and sporting equipment. This way, every guest will find something within his or her budget. Please remember that your registry cards should be sent out prior to your wedding invitations and not along with them. Registry cards should be sent out either with engagement announcements/invitations and/or with the invite to the Bridal Shower. Typically the bride and groom should have store/online options. No less than 2 registries with no more than 4 are the magic numbers. Why not choose a store like Target, which has a huge selection of items of all different prices along with a store that you love like Crate and Barrel or Fortunoffs.